The Perks of Being an XMen
by AdamantiumDevil
Summary: Being an X-Men takes great responsibility and the ability to follow rules. But com'on who really follows the rules anyways! Ether way, they're gonna be broken! The Avengers Movie Version will be partaking in these events too.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: I don't own any thing but my Oc, Anya Gale.**

"When recruted into the X-Men, you have to be in top fitness and mental condition, you also need to be prepared and have to follow Directions from the team's leader and blah blah blah blah. Wow, really hand out a damn brochure for this. Well, Fuck that shit."

And Thus the "Rules" then became known as sugestions.

So...

Rule #1

Don't cut peoples hair when they're asleep

(Yeah, apperently when people go to bed with a pony tail, they usally wanna wake up with a

pony tail)

(Took Gambit a year to gow his hair back)

(And sorry doesn't cut it eather, so revenge shall take place the next day)

Rule #2

Don't test Wolverine's healing factor

(By which I mean, hit him with a frying pan in his sleep)

(Bobby, Jubilee, and I, with a few younger students watched, 'Tangled' that night)

(We had to clean the Danger Room! Whail it was on! During his training session with Gambit!)

Rule #3

If you need to make a quick store run, don't go to Walmart

(Bobby and I started palying soccer in the middle of the store)

(Breaking the Front door; $250. Having the workers play with you; Priceless)

Rule #4

The Movie 'Dodge Ball' has been band

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!"

(Me to new Member)

"But Mam, were learning offensive prosedures, what does that have to wit-"

"Shut the hell up! I'm the teacher!"

(I actually thew a wrench next)

(Still don't even know where the wrench even came from)

Rule #5 (based on Rule #3)

Playing Walmart: The Game has been forever band

(The rules are you can only get 2 items, they can't be condoms or lube, and you need to try to

freak out the cashier)

(Once I was playing vs. Remy, Bobby, and Jubes)

(Jubilee got a tv and a Sledge Hammer)

(Bobby got a baby doll and some gasoline)

(Remy got a 2ft long metal chain and '50 Shades of Grey')

(And I got Trash bags and a Butcher Knife, and I put myself on the conaier bet)

(They now test my sanity back at the Institue)

Rule #6

Food fights at dinner are highly disaproved

(Some people don't like food fights)

(Espically Remy, when he makes the food at least)

(God, I still remeber the entire bowl of gumbo on his head)

(Laughed my ass off the rest of the day!)

Rule #7

The Teams motto isn't "Nut Up or Shut up"

(I watched Zombieland that day)

(Logan really liked it a lot)

(Remy laughed so hard when I told him, the water he was dirinking came out his nose)

(I also started yelling it to new students during my Danger Room session)

(Rogue and Jean yelled at me, but it was totally worth it!)

Rule #8

Don't twist the lessons movies are supposed to teach you

(The Little Mermaid; it's okay to run away and get married at the age of Fucking 15)

(Aladdin; It's okay to steal)

(Pocahontas; Everyone's Racist)

(Pet Sematary taught me if you love something bring it back, espesally if it's a dead pet)

(A week later, I tried to bring back my pet dog, Bark Vader)

(It didn't work, but I past my sanity test again)

(Sweeney Todd; I make horrible pies)

Rule #9

Don't skip any classes

(Scott wasn't please to find out that I skipped half the school day)

(He was even less pleased to find out that Gambit was the one who found me)

(And literally dragged me back to school)

(Gambit blew up a mail box on the way back)

(They both gave me a lecture)

(Who knew that they had something in common and cared for my education!?)

Rule #10

Try to stick to one language while having a conversation with someone

(Remy and I switched the language form english to french several times while talking with Scott and Jean )

(Their faces were priceless!)

("I think Scott est une petite chienne. Vos pensées?")


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: I don't own any thing but my Oc, Anya Gale**.

Rule #11  
Don't sing out loud when someone's there  
(Especially if they're songs about sex)  
(I was singing Rude Boy and S&M By Rihanna)  
(Trust me, I had no clue Scott, Kurt, and Remy were their)  
(Scott went red and walked away)  
(*BAMF*, Explains Kurt's reaction)  
(And Remy made a joke out of it)  
" Petit, anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice."  
" You know, you're better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner."  
"Remy like to see t'ings from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass."  
"Shut up Swamp Rat, or I'll tell Rogue everything I know!"  
"Go ahead Anya, tell her everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds."  
(I lost that argument badly)

Rule #12  
If someone vists without calling first, don't be witty  
(Hawkeye visited that day)  
"How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?"  
(Lets just say "Arrow to the Knee")

Rule #13  
Don't ask Steve and Logan to tell you one of their war stories  
(They talks like waterfalls)  
(I'm not even sure ether of them noticed that Jubilee and I left)

Rule #14  
Stop tormenting people when they're asleep  
(I once fell asleep on the sofa in the living room)  
(And no matter what they did, they just couldn't wake me up)  
(Bobby put make-up on my face, horribly I must say)  
(Turned on the volume of the music very loud and placed it next to my ear)  
(And Logan even shouted my name)  
(Then when they acted as if they were at my funereal, I finally woke up..…)

Rule #15  
All the males; Would you please stop walking around shirtless?  
(It's bad enough that almost all the girls can't stop staring)  
(And seriously, do you also have to walk around in only a towel too?!)  
(God, I feel bad for Rogue)

Rule #16  
Don't randomly show up at my school  
(I'm totally okay with when it's Rogue or Jean or Logan)  
(The others, just stay at home)  
(Bobby, well, he shows disrespect to the teachers)  
(Remy and Scott just attract lots of female attentsion)  
(Which usually ends up with me being annoyed by them)

Rule #17  
Don't make any parody songs  
("Professor told me when I was young  
I was born with superpowers  
government thinks that we're a threat  
they don't have the right to say  
I think god made a mistake,  
but i'm an X-Men baby, and I was born this way  
Come hide yourself in our school  
Iceman Keeps it so cool  
we are the X-Men baby, we were born this way  
in the blackbird fly away  
blow your mind just like Jean Grey  
baby we were born this way  
no mutant can be too ugly or strange  
just look at all the x-m-e-n  
being an mutant is great  
don't you know who that is  
yeah, it's the Juggernaught bitch  
dancing mutants, yeah we were preform this way  
No matter good, bad, or both  
Team X and Team Magneto  
We can be best friends except that duche bag Pyro  
In the blackbird fly away  
blow your mind, We are the X-men baby  
We were born this way!")  
(Bobby was humming the lyrics but he refused it when I asked)

Rule #18  
Don't say the following things when flying the Blackbird  
"Holy shit! Why did you let me fly, I can barely drive a damn car!?"  
"Okay now, so does anyone actually know how to fly this thing?"  
"JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL!"  
(Me after the nose dived a little)  
(They all freaked out)  
(I'm no longer aloud to fly the Blackbird)

Rule #19  
Following things shouldn't be done Front room with the stair  
-Use a skateboard to slide down the stairs like a ramp  
-Use a mattress to slide down the stairs  
-Lie on your stomachs and slide down the stairs  
(Just use the stairs like normal people would do)  
-Fall up the stairs  
(Something that happens to me regularly)  
(No one even knows how this is even possible)  
(Until Piotr fell up the stair too)  
(I still can't get the image out of my head)  
(Maybe we should get an elevator...)

Rule #20  
Don't give Gambit the "Godfather" talk  
(I sat in a big leather chair be hind a long desk with a Cat toy)  
(It's name was Fluffy)  
"I'm gonna make dis short and simple, you hurt Rogue, and I make sure you go away for a long time, got it?"  
(Me talking in bad Italian acsent to Gambit whail I was stroking Fluffy)  
"Que?"  
"Good, now get outta here'a!"

**Authors note: I didn't make the song, but it's on spotify and youtube, "XMen Born this way" by "The Warp Zone!"**  
**youtube link: [link] **


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: I don't own any thing but my Oc, Anya Gale.**

Rule #21  
The show 'Doctor Who' is band  
(Tony and Forge keep trying to make the sonic screwdriver and the TARDIS)  
(Gambit and Bobby keep putting Daleks and Cyber Men into my Danger Room programs)  
(And whenever I see Angel, I don't blink)  
Warren: "Anya, why are you stairing at me like that?"  
Me: "Because anything that's an angel is a weeping angel."  
(Beast, Jean, Emma, and The Proff had a fun time seeing if I was mental that day)

Rule #22  
Stop calling Emma a penny, tart, harlet, and a floosy  
(Fine, I adimt I'm the only one who calls her that)  
(But it's not my fault she's two faced, worthless, and in everyones pants!)

Rule #23  
Don't attempt to set fire to snow cones  
Scott: "Anya! What the hell are you doing!?"  
Me smiling and nodding away : "If Adele can set fire to the rain, I figured it would work with a snow cone too!"  
Bobby: "Oh common! It took me a minute of my life I'm never gonna get back to make that!"  
Me: "Shut up, you whiney little bitch."

Rule #24  
Don't make up your own excuses for not doing something, it never works anyways  
1. "Daleks exterminated my homework."  
2. "I didn't do it because it was boring as fuck and so I played Black Ops insted."  
3. "The vocies in my head told me not to."  
4. "I was to busy killing Zombies."  
5. Pretend to faint

Rule #25 (based on rule #24)  
Don't tell people about how you got hurt in a joking fashion  
(Everyone kept asking me how I broke my arm)  
(I fell up the stairs when no one else was at the mansion, don't know how I did that, but I did)  
(But I told them another story)  
"High-fived and airplane"  
"Rogue touched my arm and put it in a coma"  
"Dobby drop a chandelier on it and said it was a free elf"  
(I talked about fight club)  
"My arm went into the bathroom and said Bloody Mary three times"  
"My arm met its doppelganger and was attacked"  
"My arm got cut off in a sword fight and I regenerated it back"  
Rogue: "How d'yha break your arm?"  
Me: "A poltergeist broke it and told me Remy stole $20 bucks from you."  
(Muhahaha!)

Rule #26  
Never tell Anyone about fandoms or Fanficton  
(NOT NOW, NOT EVER!)

Rule #27  
When we have guests, don't blow up all the toilets  
(I had no clue Tony was using the toilet then)  
(It was Bobby's idea anyways *hump*)

Rule #28 (based on rule #22)  
Also, don't sew red 'A's on all of Emma's cloths  
(She walked around in basicly a leather bra, skinny jeans, and thigh high stripper boots)  
(She totally had this comming)

Rule #28  
No singing as if you're in a musical  
(sining) "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit  
and the vermin of the world inhabit it  
and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit  
and it goes by the name of London."  
"Are you alrigh'?"  
(singing) "At the top of the hole sit the privileged few  
"Anya! Would you tell me wat' ya' ar-"  
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo  
turning beauty to filth and greed..."  
"Anya. Wat' are ya-"  
(singing) "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit  
and it's filled with people who are filled with shit!  
And the vermin of the world inhabit it!" (turns and exits dramaticly)  
"An' dat is why I try not t' pay attenin' to dat fille, chere."

Rule #29  
No all out prank wars  
(I win basicly every time, but I'm usally the target for everyones training sessions for several months after that)

Rule #30  
Make sure you tell people you're dressing up  
(Lora was helping me put fake metal spikes through my stomach)  
(My bedroom door was open and Scott, Gambit, Logan, and Kurt were walking by)  
(Oh, the looks on their faces were priceless!)

* * *

**Another set of 10 rules! Hopefully I can have some quick one shots in the story soon! Thanks for reading! Any rules you have tell me and I'll put them in the next set of 10! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry I haven't been able to update the story! I just go Assassin's Creed 3 and have been trying to get 100% sync, get all the collectables, and do all side mission! I highly sugest to get the game! I also realize I spelt Laura's name wrong, sorry. And FINALLY! ANYA'S MUTATION REVEILED! And a special thanks to Post U Later for commenting on each chapter so far! I was going to stop so I could focus on another fanfiction I'm writing, but you've changed my mind! So the story contiunues! Please R&R!**

**I OWN NOTHING BUT ANYA GALE!**

Rule #31

No matter how hard you try, Wanda wont bend reality for you.

"No. I'm not altering reality."

"Alter... Altire... ALTAIR! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEE!"

"Why do you want me to alter realality?"

"Have you seen Desmond and his Ancesters?!"

(I pulled out my Iphone and showed her their pictures. And yes I have their pictures on my phone. DEAL. WITH. IT.)

"No. I'm not warping reality for a little fictional crush of yours."

(She the walked way and Ignored me)

"Only logical explination. Templar."

Rule #32

No turning the Danger room into an Ice Skatting rink

(Everyong got pissed at me)

"Hey don't look at me it was Bobby's Idea!"

Rule #33

Keep your wits to yourself

(Gambit, Tony, Clint, and I were playing basketball at the instatute)

(Gambit thew the basket ball to Clint, and Clint thew it... to Tony's face)

(Tony's face caught it, but it hit his face so hard it lef a cut lip with a ton of blood covering it)

(So we rushed over to Jean)

"You must help him! That pretty face is his only asset!"

( Me: 1 Tony: 0)

Rule #34

No evil plant mutations.

(Yeah. I controll plants.)

(That's almost as bad as Pyro's Mutation)

Rule #35

No lumps of coal for Christmas presents

(there was actually so much coal, we saved it and had a barbe-q in the spring)

Rule #36

I'M NOT THE HUMAN TRANSLATOR!

(IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT GO TAKE A FUCKING CLASS AND FIGURE IT OUT!)

Rule #37

Not everyone is a drunkard

(Only Gambit, Logan (occasionally), and Tony)

Rule #38

Don't say I can't rap

(I will learn, and you will look stupid)

(I can now rap the fast part of 'Look at Me Now', all of 'Thrift Shop', and a few Eminem songs perfectly)

Rule #39

No battle cries

(Tony started, I followed because it was brilliant)

"WE. ARE. SPARTA!"

"FOR NARNIA!"

(etc.)

Rule #40

Don't talk about video games as if they actually happened

(I was talking about how I had to assasinate Lady Boyle as one of the missions in Dishonored)

"So, I had top assassinate Lady Boyle and I had no fucking clue which one it was because there are three chick who go by Lady Boyle, so I killed all three. Muhahahahah!"

(Oh God, Kurt thought I ment it too)

**Thanks for reading, hope you liked it! Please review if you can! :D**


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